So I'm now working part-time at a toy store to help pay the bills while I look for a "real" job. I can't mention the name because of a strict anti-blogging rule they have (but by not mentioning the name for this reason, I probably tipped a bunch of people off on what it is. Loophole!)

Well, having not really been in a toy store for so long, I've noticed little changes since I was a kid.



- They have coloring books that now only use one special pen that fills in the correct color in the picture as you "draw" over it and won't go outside the line. Which is great, because there's noting quite like taking all the fun and imagination out of a once joyful experience.

- Ken is really freaking emasculate. I mean, Barbie's beau was never the manliest of toys, but he's really gone downhill. He's bleach blonde now and has complexion real girls would be envious of. I swear he's prettier than Barbie now. I guess there's some Queer Eye for the Mattel Guy going on.

- Backpacks do not count as toys. I don't care what the hell is printed on them.

- They now have Nerf guns that can unload 50 bullets at an opponent. Where this was during my childhood, I don't know. But I am currently working on a time travel device so I can go bring one back and give it to my 6 year old self. Then we'll show all those one-shot Warthog-pistol wussies who's the boss.

- They have dolls that piss themselves now. You give them a liquid and they piss their diapers and you get to clean it up. WHAT FUN. As a guy, I obviously can't comprehend what toys little girls want. But come on! Cleaning up fake pee is no one's idea of a good time.

- Don't they have any jigsaw puzzles that don't involve unicorns and fairies?